I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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