I wanna passion pit in your ass
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
