how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
