This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
