I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
