I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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