It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
