I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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