he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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