Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize