like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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