its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just invented taco cereal.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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