And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
