3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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