What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
whose parrot is this?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
