My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
