i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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