if only i could text you this smell
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
