This girl is more easily done than said...
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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