Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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