My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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