One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well I just put wine in my tea
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
