My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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