Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Say something about gay babies.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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