how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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