Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
