I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
