Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
