Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
