Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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