I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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