Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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