There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
