I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
