She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
