Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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