there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
