how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
