So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
