i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
