I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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