Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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