We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
