College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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