come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
