I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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