His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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