I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
