What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
