I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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