We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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