My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
