the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I cockslap morals
Need sex. Gaining weight.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
