Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
