So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
