okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
