the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
